03 May 2009

Once There Was A Night

Something weird happened last night. Yeah, weird. I rarely see him cry. He's a tough guy. He doesn't appreciate the word "TEARS". You cant hurt him 'cause if you do, you'll end up in the hospital just when your nose is squirting of blood.
Okay, 'twas like 2 in the midnight. He just arrived from a fraternity assembly and again, he's drunk. He's always drunk. He's alcoholic. I hate him for that. But i can do nothing. I've been insinuating him to stop drinking liquors for years now.  I'm staring at him, he's so thin. I've been suspecting that he's taking any prohibited drugs lately. But i cant find a way to discover any substantial proof to prove my suspicion. He's secretive. He still has secrets he wasn't able to confide. Its been so long that we had been together and everyday there's something new about him. Something that amazes me.
I'm set to leave Manila 11am Sunday before lunch. This is whole week plan and he agreed to that. He knows the reason. I got a family problem and i am needed to be home. So yes, he lemme get my plane ticket and even encouraged me to apply for a two-week Leave of Absence from work. I did. two-weeks must be too long. But he said, i need rest. I need two-weeks in order to be replenished. that was sweet.

So here's what happened. I'm talking to an online buddy in the Yahoo Chatroom. I get to talk to this guy like every night. So its just sooo normal that night. Now my guy is tellin' me some stuff that are so vague.
Him: Will you shut it off? I need you here.
Me: hunny lay down there okay. matulog ka na.
Him: Let's talk. Kausapin mo ko. Wag mong kausapin ang iba. dimo naman yan
Me: Talk about what? lagi naman tau nag-uusap ah.
Silence. After five minutes, i heard him sobbing.  I looked back.. i know he's crying. I dunno why. I want to ask him. i cant say a word. I cant even move. I want to hug him but i cant walk near him. I was staring at him for twenty minutes. He's still sobbing. i approached him at last.
Me: Hunny what's wrong?
Him: (sobbing)
Me: Anong drama na naman toh? Pede ba wag ka na mag-inarte. Di bagay sau.
Him: (wiping his tears)
Me: You want to say something?
Him: (Looking up at the ceiling).
Me: (Looked up at the ceiling as well. I see two lizards. Love lizards maybe.)
Him: Its odd that we are together 24 hours a day but we rarely get to talk. You are
so close yet  it seems like you're miles away .
Me: kumakanta ka ba?
Him: Im serious.  I know wala akong kwentang kakwentuhan. But sometimes i need
somebody to listen to my twaddle. I feel so alone. sometimes i think, are we still
together? Is it just all about sex? No i dont like the idea. Kelan pa ba tau nagsimula. I
lost count na nga e. We've been thru everything di ba. You're there while im here
and we still feel each other. Bakit ba ayoko makipag-split. Bakit ba ayoko
makipaghiwalay. Kaya ko naman e. Kayang-kaya ko. Kaso nasanay na ata ako sa
ganito. Pag nag-split tau baka ma-shock ako (smiles). Baka sa sobrang shock ko
magka-nervous breakdown ako (he laughed). Sabi ko kaya ko di ba. Mali ata ako.
Nakakainis. Kung ginayuma mo ko sana ibigay mo na saken yong antidote. Kasi
nao-overdose na ako sa gayuma mo e.

I dunno what to say. This is weird. He cant be serious. he never was. But he cried. He must not be making some high drama...
I felt like I cant breathe..
My chest is aching..
felt like something in it is crushed..
I ended up crying as well. Photobucket

I remember what a blogger friend, Cap Limau, has told me: "Sometimes you need to talk so you'll know what makes him hurt. And so he'll know what makes you hurt."
Indeed, we need to talk. We need communication. we are so close yet it seems like we are so far from each other.
Fonzi Christ Web Developer

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