Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder... And the Sex a Hell of a Lot Wilder!

Look, i know damn right that you know what i'm talking about. Well, long-distance relationship. Do you feel those lonely nights when you are tossing and turning in bed thinking that "how i wish i could feel his warm embrace?" Waaaah! And when you go out, go to the mall and see couples hold hands, you suddenly miss him cuz he never takes his hands off you when you're walking around? Darn! The moments when you talk on the chatroom and you see him on his webcam and you're wishing you could just grab him and take him to your side. Huhuhu. 

Indeed, absence makes the heart grow fonder, in other way it makes my heart aches sooo much like never before. Being away from the person that you love is sooo odd. You know, you have been together like every minute of everyday and suddenly he's sooo away. That is sooo wrong. Demmet! And all you gotta do is try to keep yourself busy just to divert your thoughts of him, and so that you can forget the ache that you feel in your heart. emo 

I did a lot of things to eventually help me forget that im longing for him. I go to the bars and talk to other men out there. I tried to drink beer with the gays and try to laugh out e'rything. I get drunk and throw up after. Then there goes again, his face haunts me. It feels like im in a huge empty space and no one is around to grasp and i feel like im floating and will be falling out of nowhere. It is so vague but its the emptiness that engulfs me. 

Ang uber akting kooo. As if im not goin to see him for a lifetime ahaha! It just felt so odd cuz we've been together, you know, everyday then suddenly he disappears. That's what's up. I cant eat my meals, cant go to bed on time and i cry and  cry each night. 

Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder and makes the most incredible mind-blowing sex. Arrrrrrr!

After writing this, im already thinking of kinky things. guess you already know what im gonna do to him when we see each other again LOL

amishoo bibi

Once There Was A Night

Something weird happened last night. Yeah, weird. I rarely see him cry. He's a tough guy. He doesn't appreciate the word "TEARS". You cant hurt him 'cause if you do, you'll end up in the hospital just when your nose is squirting of blood.

Okay, 'twas like 2 in the midnight. He just arrived from a fraternity assembly and again, he's drunk. He's always drunk. He's alcoholic. I hate him for that. But i can do nothing. I've been insinuating him to stop drinking liquors for years now.  I'm staring at him, he's so thin. I've been suspecting that he's taking any prohibited drugs lately. But i cant find a way to discover any substantial proof to prove my suspicion. He's secretive. He still has secrets he wasn't able to confide. Its been so long that we had been together and everyday there's something new about him. Something that amazes me.

I'm set to leave Manila 11am Sunday before lunch. This is whole week plan and he agreed to that. He knows the reason. I got a family problem and i am needed to be home. So yes, he lemme get my plane ticket and even encouraged me to apply for a two-week Leave of Absence from work. I did. two-weeks must be too long. But he said, i need rest. I need two-weeks in order to be replenished. that was sweet.

So here's what happened. I'm talking to an online buddy in the Yahoo Chatroom. I get to talk to this guy like every night. So its just sooo normal that night. Now my guy is tellin' me some stuff that are so vague.

Him: Will you shut it off? I need you here.

Me: hunny lay down there okay. matulog ka na.
Him: Let's talk. Kausapin mo ko. Wag mong kausapin ang iba. dimo naman yan
kakilala!
Me: Talk about what? lagi naman tau nag-uusap ah.

Silence. After five minutes, i heard him sobbing.  I looked back.. i know he's crying. I dunno why. I want to ask him. i cant say a word. I cant even move. I want to hug him but i cant walk near him. I was staring at him for twenty minutes. He's still sobbing. i approached him at last.

Me: Hunny what's wrong?
Him: (sobbing)
Me: Anong drama na naman toh? Pede ba wag ka na mag-inarte. Di bagay sau.
Him: (wiping his tears)
Me: You want to say something?
Him: (Looking up at the ceiling).
Me: (Looked up at the ceiling as well. I see two lizards. Love lizards maybe.)
Him: Its odd that we are together 24 hours a day but we rarely get to talk. You are
so close yet  it seems like you're miles away .
Me: kumakanta ka ba?
Him: Im serious.  I know wala akong kwentang kakwentuhan. But sometimes i need
somebody to listen to my twaddle. I feel so alone. sometimes i think, are we still
together? Is it just all about sex? No i dont like the idea. Kelan pa ba tau nagsimula. I
lost count na nga e. We've been thru everything di ba. You're there while im here
and we still feel each other. Bakit ba ayoko makipag-split. Bakit ba ayoko
makipaghiwalay. Kaya ko naman e. Kayang-kaya ko. Kaso nasanay na ata ako sa
ganito. Pag nag-split tau baka ma-shock ako (smiles). Baka sa sobrang shock ko
magka-nervous breakdown ako (he laughed). Sabi ko kaya ko di ba. Mali ata ako.
Nakakainis. Kung ginayuma mo ko sana ibigay mo na saken yong antidote. Kasi
nao-overdose na ako sa gayuma mo e.

Silence.
I dunno what to say. This is weird. He cant be serious. he never was. But he cried. He must not be making some high drama...

I felt like I cant breathe..

My chest is aching..

felt like something in it is crushed..

I ended up crying as well.

I remember what a blogger friend, Cap Limau, has told me: "Sometimes you need to talk so you'll know what makes him hurt. And so he'll know what makes you hurt."
Indeed, we need to talk. We need communication. we are so close yet it seems like we are so far from each other.

Mistlike Drops

 

 


Its 11am and the outside looks like that. Fifteen minutes ago i was curling in my bed cuddling my fave pillow 'cause i feel frozen. Its not just the ventilation i have in the room but i feel something weird about the weather today. So i looked up and saw what's outside the window...its drizzling.
It's odd 'cause im already used to see a sunny morning every time i wake up. Oh well, everyday is a twist i suppose. I just thought that it would be better that the weather is like this than a fine one 'cause usually when the day reaches this hour, its disgustingly hot and
i'm already sweating.

Personal Oddity

A FELLOW PLURKER says: If you cant understand what you feel, then you dunno yourself.

Apparently, i don't understand what im feelin' right now, its been a month already. So does it mean i dunno myself?

i dunno this guy, darn it. but his face lingers in my head.

i've been having wet dreams about him. PATHETIC.

i wanna get over with this stupid feeling.

is this some kind of idiosyncrasy i cant contain?

the feeling is vague but its haunting. i dont wanna dwell with this forever.

Never.

how can i forget?

where do i start off?

do you think im stupid? thank you!

Longing for Someone

i
just miss
the times...

when you wake up in the morning
and you see the person you love the most
lying beside you and all you wanna do
is to curl up with him.

Those times when you battle about certain things.
You were shouting at each other
then pause for awhile,
and the silence makes you cry.

And eventually,
you find yourself
next to him
saying: "SORRY
na bhe..."

i feel numb.
Feels like my
heart is crushed
...
and crushed again.
i totally hate this.

wish
he
was
here.

(sigh)

*in tears*

Hipocrisy Stinks in the Nostrils!

That is so true!
you never know who are the people that remains true to you.
you never know who your real friends are.
you never know who is backbiting you.
you never know who is on your ally
and you never know that the friend
you trust the most could be your worst enemy.

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
~William Shakespeare

EMOTE

i guess love does fade...
that sometimes the heart
does get tired of longing...
of hoping..

that sometimes you just have
to accept the fact that some things
can never be.

and that we should be contented
with things as they are.


Leaving is a choice.

Staying is a choice.


But you can never
really ask someone
to stay or to leave.

its a choice they have
to make for themselves.

and sometimes no matter
how much you beg someone
to stay or
how hard you try
to make someone leave you,
you really have no control
over what they will choose to do.
:-/

SOME OF THE BEST MOMENTS IN LIFE

* Lying in bed while listening to the rain outside.

* A long drive in a calm road.

* Finding money in your old jeans just when you need it.

* Giggling over silly jokes.

* Holding hands with a friend.

* Getting a hug from someone who loves you.

* The moment your eyes fill with tears after
a big laugh.

* Being remembered and greeted by a friend
once in a while.

* Getting a compliment from a person you
admire the most (crush). *kilig*

* Waking up from a sweet dream.