07 December 2010

On Becoming a Teacher

You might have experienced the feeling of being left out when other sections have already reached the peak of their lesson while yours is just starting off at the bottom. You might be asking your teacher a question like, “Ma’am, are we there yet?” Well that’s totally sick!
But you can’t hate your teacher if she has become oblivious of her class. You can’t despise her either if she complains at the top of her lungs that it takes her forever to reach your classroom which is on the rear of the Science Building. Perhaps you reckon that your teacher has been secretly diagnosed of Alzheimer’s or plainly having an odd symptom of rheumatism. Now you’re swearing and cursing that your school sucks because it sends you obnoxious teachers who have the infinitesimal amount of passion to teach. But hold on… What have you been up to while the teacher’s not around? If she’d left you slack-jawed waiting in vain inside the classroom, that’s not probably the perfect time to enjoy your nonsensical blabber or verbal diarrhea while swarming around the halls of General Education Building. Instead of magnifying noise pollution at a two-way traffic corridor, why not try to march your way out and read up some books in the library? I’m pretty sure the librarian won’t throw balls of fire at your face if you messed up her bookshelves. Have you ever asked yourself if you have read all the books that your age requires you to have read? To overshare, I’ve came across with this trivia over the internet while blogwalking and it’s about The 30 Books Everyone Should Read before Their 30th Birthday. It occurred to me that I have only read two: The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien and David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. Man, I’ve missed a lot. I’ve wasted too much time reading Precious Hearts Romances and Liwayway. Then I realized it’s never too late to make up for my incompleteness. I still have a decade of leisure to read the remaining 28 books plus two bonus books or perhaps even more than that!
You are teacher wanna-bes. How can we pass on knowledge to our future students if we only have little of it? How are we going to enrich our minds with inspiring ideas and general information if we don’t read a lot? Come on peers, get a life!

We are pleased that “Sibalom has access to the internet and information is just one click away like how you use your cellphones in messaging” - (Sir John). There is a wide variety of information waiting to be unlocked in the internet. How you’re going to transform this information into a useful form merely depends on your resourcefulness and ingenuity.
 The internet lab in school is intended to serve as a portal to further academic researches which cannot be practically done with the books in the library. It is actually a modern extension of the school library. In most schools, social networking sites like Facebook, Friendster or Myspace andmicroblogs like Tumblr, Plurk or Twitter are banned on their browsers. It is due to the figures revealed in a survey by IT Company Global Secure Systems that “52 per cent of youngsters use Facebook during lessons for up to one hour in every ten that they spend in school.” It is also for the reason that these sites have become a breeding place for cyber bullying. Sadly, UA students have taken the liberty to expand their social circle on Facebook and several others even feign ignorance in visiting pornographic websites and downloading porn photos and videos. Little did they know that pornsites have spyware and adware that contains malicious codes which can harm computers. It is annoying and disturbing that they are tolerated to do such stuff inside the internet lab.
                There are many ways to ‘waste’ your time to worthwhile things while surfing the internet. Instead of poking someone you don’t know or tagging incriminating photos of yourself on Facebook search other wholesome websites that can offer you reliable and useful information. A keyword search is helpful when you Google up chunks of information that are categorized by Photos, Videos, Books, Blogs, Realtime and Discussions/Forums. You can even stream video tutorials for grammar and English proficiency on Youtube. I have personally tried this interesting stuff and I swear it helped me a lot.

What does it take to have an interactive learning environment? Should it be the teacher talking in front of the class while her students are lolling their heads on their seats? Or should it be the students bombarding themselves with various ideas while the teacher is seated at the back as she facilitates the class?
                For several others, they’re probably pissed off when the teacher jumpstarts the first meeting of the semester with assignments of topic reports to be presented in class by each student. Apparently, somebody will think that he’s damned by the Fates because he has to deal with a bummer teacher for a whole semester. Another may think that his teacher is such an apathetic couch potato thinking that the teacher might just lurk at the back staring wearily to a classmate who’s having a “stuck between a rock and a hard place” moment while presenting his topic report. You think that’s awful and you already want to regurgitate your existence out of the classroom. Before you decimate your heart with too much animosity, try to hold back. A classroom won’t be much of a classroom if your geek teacher does all the talking. Take a mental note of this: the role of your teacher is to facilitate your learning not to spoon-feed you; to manage classroom activities not to twaddle with you. If you aspire to become a teacher, then it’s probably wise to assume the role of a teacher in the classroom starting as a peer facilitator and co-communicator. Turn away your stage frights; don’t fret because everybody has the same fear. Set aside hostility and reinforce yourself with optimism. It is your task to make the class interactive by indulging yourself to sharing of inspired ideas and emphatic insights. In the end, you’ll be leaving the school equipped with the necessary aptitude for teaching. Now that’s epic!

10 November 2010

Okay, Thanks. Bye!

I really did wish I never knew you. What am I saying? Do I really know you? I'm goin' bonkers again. I haven’t met you yet! Hey self! Are you mental?
Lemme clear that. I’ve seen you around here (cyberspace, on the wall in my bed room, on my TV) but I haven’t met you yet in person. Merlin's beard!
I fell in love with you and that's most certainly gross. Yeah, right! don't be surprised. I used to think you’re a cool guy, someone who's different. But after everything I did, i mean, after researching on you I really, really went crazy. I'm hurt. See, I'm hurt! Why? because I am dense.
I guess it ends tonight.Your subtleties just pisses me off. Sorry I stole your pictures last week. I always wanted to have them… to dream about.
Yeah, it ends tonight. I have to officially end it. I'll quit this before its gonna kill me emotionally. I have to get a life! I don't wanna dream about you anymore because the next dream about you would be my worst nightmare. Its stupid. Its the stupidest thing i made everyday.. dreaming about the person who doesn't even know I exist.
I’ve cried a lot because I'm becoming paranoid and I cant cry hard anymore. It's done. Its over. end of the story. Goodbye! Skype Emoticons

19 September 2010

M U S I N G

I sit here today, and at this age, I have absolutely NO IDEA who I definitely am. But I know what I stand for, I know what I believe. I know that there are things I did in the past that were not right, or fair. I have made mistakes.

In 20 years, I’ll look back at the boy sitting here with his
thick black hair,
ever changing passions and ideals,
the dreamer,
the friend,
the lover
and I won’t dislike him.
I don’t dislike the “me” from the past, I merely recognize I’ve grown above and beyond and I AM NOT defined by what people might have THOUGHT about me.

I joked before, regarding being always right. That was merely a joke. I learn on a daily basis. I value the opinions and ideals of others, but nothing will ever stop me from expressing my own.
Debate and discussion is not about making someone believe or stand for your ideals. It is about expressing them, so that someone could be more enlightened to “the other side of the story”. Being right is less important than being heard.

08 September 2010

Moonshines

I always thought people lie to avoid causing pain.
I thought people lie to hide a hurtful truth.
But it seems you lie to cause pain.
You lie to hurt me.
You know the truth would hurt me a lot less than all the lies you tell.
You know. You just don’t care. You love to lie, more than you love me.
You lie even if you have no reason to lie.
You lie even if I already know the truth.
You lie because you can. That hurts.

‘I would lie to you again’, you say.
The truth at last.

04 August 2010

Gay Crushes on Straight People

“How do friendships survive a subtle infusion of love? And what’s to become of a friendship hampered by one-way romance? In every relationship, I think, one loves the other “more,” but the gestalt wonderland of togetherness seems always to overwhelm any discrepancies. A starry night made better by a full moon.


But when there’s no reciprocation, when there’s such a gnawing, abject incompleteness, nobody could advise me. There’s a difference between unrequited love and impossible love. It is impossible for Dave to love me because I am a man. That impossibility is not a factor in most relationships.”

-from Richard Morgan best essay I have ever read about gays having crushes on straight men.

02 August 2010

Out Of My System

My ex-boyfriend.

I just don’t really think of him like I used to.

This month was the month it all fell apart.

Just now, as I thought of him it was more of an “oh yeah, he exists” and it happened only because of Facebook.

Then I realized, I just don’t think about him anymore.

He seems so far away in the grand scheme of things…like such a long ago imprinted on my heart that taught me everything a relationship should NEVER be.

I don’t miss him.

I don’t hate him.

I’ve just reached a place of indifference. A place where I recognize I’m good, and I’ll only get better.
hehe..

28 July 2010

How I Dealt With Relationships

If you’ve read my blog for 5 minutes you probably recognize the ease in which I jump in head first allowing myself to be all consumed by love and new relationships.

I think first with my heart (and probably my anus a little too, not gonna lie) and I land myself in some of the most sticky of situations.

No one is perfect.

No one ever will be.

This was one of the hardest things for me to realize.

I read about the relationships of others and I always wanted the happy, the perfect.

Guess what?

I’m quirky, I’m weird.

I need someone that doesn’t mind ending a sentence and having me immediately play a word association game based off of whatever they said. I need someone that appreciates my neurosis and believe me. I need someone that understands that when I’m hurt, or sad I’ll push you away but really, I probably want a hug. I want someone that has no problem with the fact that forever, this will never change. I laugh when people fart, I don’t think about the bad, I live in a perpetual state of “whatever, this is is awesome.”

Simple.
I need a simple kind of love.

My relationships have never fit a blog worthy mold. I don’t wind up posed perfectly on long benches with my love or standing beneath the shade of a tree…want to know why? Because I’ve typically fallen on the way there and I have skinned knees and stained clothes and I’m imperfect.

It took me a while, to realize I wasn’t fooling anyone and I wasn’t fooling myself. I can’t make my life something that it isn’t. It is damn good but my relationships have been BAD because I’ve chosen people so wrong for me. I’ve sacrificed myself a lot.

Hell I didn’t even know myself until recently.

For me I’ve found my relationships are starting to happen because I’m not expecting them to, because I’m not putting any expectations on anything. I’m living in the moment.

I’m living for each day, loving each day. When you allow yourself to forget what will or might happen and focus on what IS going on your life is peaceful.

My desire for more, the bigger picture, the finish line has always given me anxiety. I approached every relationship in the past as though “OH EM GEE THIS IS IT” only- that is so stupid. Maybe it is it, but you know what…I’m taking it fucking slow. I can love you with my entire heart and not rush the whole world.

I want to grow old happily, I don’t want to look back at these years and question one thing I did.

Relationships might not always last. Who I date now might not always be around but what I can say is that while I date them I want nothing but the best, most enjoyable experiences and memories.

Will I quit loving with my entire heart? NEVER. Will I quit wondering what comes next? Yes, because my life can’t be predicted so I just have to hop on the ride and enjoy.

My life has changed a lot lately my mental concepts and ideals have been completely altered. Paradigm shifts almost daily. But this spot, this spot approaching 25 has been the best. I’m old enough to understand my past mistakes and smart enough not to repeat them.

And life is better than good…
life is great.

26 July 2010

An Odd Dream

07.25.10

I had a very strange dream last night.
It was so vague that I can barely remember the details of that dream.
But there were two very important scenarios that puzzled me.
The dream was set on a plateau, on the abandoned sugarcane mill, under which has a long river.

There were three or more lean dogs under the cashew trees on the plateau.
They looked like dogs only they grew much longer fangs; monstrous and horrible enough to resemble a Western werewolf.
These dogs were all staring angrily at me showing their wrongly formed fangs.
Their grotesque faces gave me a subconscious thinking to leap from the hill in order to escape from them.
As soon as I leaped, they were chasing after me.
Hurriedly, I managed to get hold of bamboo bits nailed in squares which I had used as shield to battle the striking paws and fangs of those mad dogs.

Then I found myself below the ash bank of the sugarcane mill, on the riverside, where logs and other stuff carried by the flood gathered in heap.
I was there collecting pairs of used yet still usable slippers and sandals.
Each good pair I find, I present to my mother who is standing above the ash bank

I'm wondering what this dream meant.
It's odd and it's driving me nuts.
If there's anyone out there who has been gifted to interpret dreams, I would be grateful if he can interpret my dream.
kindly write your interpretations under this post.

20 July 2010

I Must Be Contained

I shouldn’t want things I can’t have.

That is how life goes.

This is a frustrating thing that I keep battling.

It isn’t jealousy…

It is more anger and upset and feeling “wronged”…

I’m ashamed that I even let myself not just be thankful for what I do have.
I have a lot to be thankful for.

19 July 2010

Wait TilI I Get Over This

This morning forced me to do some serious self evaluation.

"What are you doing self?"

How have you let your anxiety get so bad, self?

You were doing pretty well…
now you’ve allowed too many stress-causing agents to creep in.

I need to rearrange a lot of things in my life. I have to put a lot of attention on my school and getting it out there.

I’m worried about my relationships as my anxiety is causing me to withdraw without even realizing it.

So, I need to shift my focus.

Its now or never..

03 June 2010

Update

Hello.
Wow. Its been quite a while since i posted something here.
I have never been too busy my whole life but I just thought of hibernating (in the summer!).. But really, I've been single for months now so there's no more cheesy and high drama stories to tell online.
So what's new? Hehe. Nothing much. I have stopped myself from being nocturnal but still I'm deprived of my social life. I was like playing Online/LAN games all day! I never thought I would involve myself in this stuff.
What else? Oh! I'm back to school. Yeah. It means no workplace to go to, no tasks to be completed every 15th day of the month. Geez! I'm getting so excited. This is fun!

30 May 2010

Moving On

It's funny to think that yesterday
you found yourself deeply
in love with that person


then today
you find yourself
trying to forget what just happened


* sigh *

04 September 2009

Yanggaw (2008)

Yanggaw is a horror/suspense/drama film written and directed by Richard Somes. The dramatic storyline of this film is simply prolonged by the struggle of one family trying to defend a member of their kin who became a problem, prodigal and worse, a monster. I have seen a lot of movies like this, the aswang themes but this one is way different. This movie projects a point of view revolving on the drastic events upon the monster's own family. We used to see aswang movies and we would always conclude that they're harmful monsters and they should be feared, and we should get rid of them if one is immersing in our community. But this film was able to bring out the picture wherein we can instantly alter our perception about these monsters.  It shows how the monster suffer from this kind of infection. How she felt sick about it. How she wished she never became a monster who feed on human innards and blood and whatsoever. How she begged for death until her father has to decide to slaughter her for the sake of the town that has been piled up with corpses. This is not an aswang movie that you can see a monster transforming into a fiery animal. This one simply shows a monster with a hair in warlike disarray and fangs drenched in blood.




Yanggaw is a comparison to our society. The Filipino family has remained intact amidst problems. This one is a good example to that. The story is actually a metaphor to a family member having an addiction that affects the whole family making that member unwanted already. And the natural familial reaction takes place, whatever happens to a member there is still acceptance from the whole family.
 Yanggaw is definitely a new take on our local films. It has made me realize how shameful and rotten are Shake Rattle and Roll movies. Most horror films we have are inspired by The Ring. This film is extraordinary even if it is obviously low budgeted. The film hasn't used any computer generated visual effects. Richard Somes has succeeded to use the eerie atmosphere and it is effectively creepy. The twilight scenes gave me goosebumps-- frightening movements of leaves and the growl of the monster.

Multi-awarded stars like Ronnie Lazaro, Joel Torre, Tetchie Agbayani and breakthrough performance of Aleera Montalla tongue-tied me for having been so at ease with the hiligaynon dialect. The soft-spoken quality of the dialect has made the movie more genuine.

Im just hoping that our local film-makers can make more movies like this, a film that succeeds to define a myth not influenced by the Western flicks like vampires or zombies. This is originally a Filipino myth. Yes, this is a myth that is so bothersome when i was a kid. My granny used to tell me stories like this just to threaten me not to leave the house when twilight arrives. Yanggaw is what i proudly believe one of the finest breakthrough in the changing picture of the contemporary Philippine cinema.

02 September 2009

Change for the Better

I’ve always thought that I could trust one specific individual…
hell, a group of individuals…
Today, I discovered that I am completely wrong.
Elimination is the only possible scenario.
Basically- expect a shit ton of changes around here.
Some of them are hard, most of them are harder than that.
I think that's life.

So, I’m hanging on, and doing all I can to push through.
I can look back on 1,000,000 instances in which I believed that nothing worse could happen.
This too shall pass- I have brilliant ideas, a great personality, and I will move on.
Soon, I’ll look back and this will be a non issue.

This is growing up.

29 August 2009

My Fairytale :P

Since I was a kid, I’ve known I’d live a fairy tale life. A life full of smiles, and laughter, forehead kisses, late night talks, butterflies in my stomach, and falling in love, love which is so deep and intense and real that it’d be my safe harbor, and calm after a storm.

Everyone describes “that moment”, the one in which an individual reaches in, and touches your soul and you know that life couldn’t have landed you in a better place at a better time. You know, without a doubt that things are right.

I don’t typically tend to easily open my doors and let others in. I keep my distance…I hate being hurt. I am scared to get close.

I was never one to like the thought of “always” or “the one”, or “forever” but perfection exists right before me. When you touch me, I have weak knees and butterflies. When you look at me the way you do- I feel that I  could never be happier, more comfortable, or better protected.
All it takes is your arm on the small of my back. Or for you to brush by me, or stand close. You’ve made something complete.

I don’t need things.
I don’t want things.

I want love: I want a big love, with honor, and trust, and devotions.
I want a love that means we can call each other nicknames and still hold one another close.
I want to spend my cold nights snuggling to keep warm.
I want to make you smile, I want to be all you need.
I think you’re finally my fairy tale, all things happen for a  reason.

When I think about my future it includes you, it feels right, and  I cannot wait.
Each day from here on out I believe our story will begin to write itself.
“Ours” is a word not to be used casually. Our lives, our hopes, our fears, our dreams, our relationship…
“Ours” will now mean something.
“Ours” is the joining of our lives in ways we feel comfortable, they’ll be small at first, but they’ll grow…
This person belongs with me…
Why has God placed someone so perfect in my life?
Why do I feel so comfortable discussing the future with this person?
Why does it feel so right, so natural, so real?

I’m scared to death, because it has all happened, but I think that's how you know its for real…
A lot of people settle, they settle because they’ve been with someone for “x” number of years…”the one” shouldn’t grow on you, you know it from the start…
I’m going to go ahead and go out on a limb here and say that I’m not going to let fear stop me or slow me down.

Fear exists in everything…I was scared to fly- but I did it, scared to drive, but I can…scared to love, but I have, and I’m alive…
There isn’t one thing that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with him.
There isn’t one part of my soul I wouldn’t bare this instant if he were to ask.
This is me, take me, or leave me…
But I think eventually I’ll be a much better person because he has touched me.
I think i’ve found my fairy tale.