Humor

1.Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

2."Can you tell me what fish net is made of, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

3.George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

4. One day a father was teaching his son and said,

"The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you promise somebody a promise, you must carry it out no matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's word.' "What is cleverness? asked his son.

"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.

5. Little Bobby: I've got a stomachache.

Aunt Tess: That's because you haven't eaten and your stomach is empty, so it hurts.

Little Bobby: Now I know why Uncle Harry has headache all the time. His head must be empty too.

6. A man walked into a new dinner and told the waitress, "I 'll have two fried eggs and a kind word."

When the waitress came back with his order, the man said,

"Thanks for the eggs, but how about the kind word?"

The waitress then whispered ,

"Don't eat the eggs."

7. One guy goes to a doctor and says,

"Doctor, my wife has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back? "

The doctor replies, "Try to come home at 3 in the morning."

8. A cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asked for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car in back of me."

9.It was a woman's first time on a plane. She boarded the plane and found herself a window seat. After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his seat. She ignored him and told him to go away. "Okay," replied the man. "If that's the way you want it, you fly the plane."

10.A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giantcommitments.Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."